im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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