Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
