He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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