If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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