"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
