I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
