is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize