I want to walk on stilts...naked
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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