I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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