i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
