I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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