i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
