May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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