we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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