We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
