New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
