roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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