How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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