We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
