Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
