You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
