finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
