The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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