so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
