I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
