If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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