dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
