I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
