Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
