I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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