All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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