just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
