just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
