We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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