I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
