we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
