This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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