Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she told me i tasted like america
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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