toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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