i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
