Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
