I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
soo... how was my night?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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