Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
