So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
