it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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