well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
