sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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