OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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