All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
