so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
