I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
