i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
